Thursday, January 26, 2006


Hard habit to break?

Is there a deeply entrenched pattern or habit in your life (this could be a person, place, thing or behavior) that you wish you could abandon? Why don't you?

I won't stop abusing drugs because it appears to me that many great artists have also abused drugs. I know that this is flawed logic, because there are also many great artists who did not abuse drugs. Here is where biological systems of addiction come into play; the acknowledgment of which then leads me back to my belief that many great artists have abused drugs.

Lacking a consistent strong will. This pretty much feeds into anything I want to do or don't want to do.
Pretzel logic. I love it.
I could wish to stop to hear what my inner demons have to tell me, as far as my inner angels don't seem to have nothing interesting to tell me.

I can't quit, since the opinion of these creatures reflects exactly who I am and why.
Living is the hardest habit to break, considering that we seem to come from nowhere and go nowhere in the end. It seems it is all futile in the end for the individual, only the species matter. So why do we keep living? Believing in the after life is the solution for most people. The pain of living is compansated by religious love. Religious feeling must be like sexual love. The pain of commitment to a relationship is compansated by sexual love. It is very hard to give up sex (monks must know that quite well), but it is even harder to give up life, because love hormone is the sweetest drug there is.
Patterns and neural pathways are established in our early years, mostly as a result of parental influence and, to a lesser extent, peer and school influence. Our views of reality are largely the ideas and beliefs of others. I wish I could see things without this filter, even without the connotations of language...the way things really are.

Why don't I? It's like trying to bite my own teeth.
there is a deeply entrenched pattern of ego possession peculiar to the human species that I wish I could abandon. It is the very "I" that "I" wish "I" could abandon, as what I am (what I is) is a separation or splitting of consciousness off from the wholeness of non-ego possessing natural instinct. While flaura, fauna and features have selves, the human self in the common condition is distinct from that otherly wholeness...flesh, particularly human flesh, mindful of self, mindful of mind, mindful and unmindful of hand and mind, walks aright among an impassive mightiness that is all other. Woe for the fear of death- somewhere in evolution those sublime perceptual apparatus of the modern human bicameral mind turned all the way inward to their metaphysical 'radius lock' and these tandem perceptual oculars focused deeply into one another's lenses of the self- a neurological IM opened between dirt and star. That instantaneous exchange of infinite knowledge and the subsequent stricken nature of returning to bare mortality leaves this ennui and vague but thankfully hopeful dissatisfaction with mere being.
Pornography is a difficult ( impossible?) habit to break. I've been addicted since I was 13 and I'm close ( too damn close )to 50 now. Porno is fine if your intent on remaining alone, but it can really screw up a relationship. Your partner can never approach what is available in the world of porn. It's an endless smorgasboard of unilateral pleasure. Do yourself a favor and just say no before starting down this road.
A girl.

There's a girl I've been in love with for a year and a half now. We dated for a year, and then broke up because we weren't treating eachother with much respect at all.

I'm still in love with her. Madly, insanely so. My friends know me as the archetype of rationality, I'm a Vipassana meditator, I eschew most of the pleasures of this world...but god damn. Nothing I can do about this one. She keeps treating me like utter shit and I would take her back in a heartbeat. Breaking up with her (my decision) still haunts me every single day. She truly doesn't deserve me, for a varitey of reasons, but for some reason she'll have me, whenever...if ever she wants me.
I'd abandon cigarettes. Why don't I? Because I don't want to. Such is the control that addiction has in my life.

I am accepting of my real history.
id abandon my ego. It just gets in the way all the time. Why dont i, well its hard. I have learned to turn it off, but only for so long and then its back on.

11:11 pm
Hell yes, there are heaps of them. Why don't I abandon them? I am. I'm just not finished yet.
I like tater tot's answer but I'm afraid the only ones who accomplished that are those like Buddha & Jesus. So quit grinding your teeth.
AS for me, I always wished I was wiser & more understanding at an earlier age. It took me too long to get out of that black-white problem & find the gray.
I want to abandon the way I am metiphorically burning my wings. I want to keep my innocence and morals, maintain my goodness, but I feel I am slipping into, onto something else entirely. Failing at that, I want to isolate and keep a part of my old self alive.
I have always had a serious problem with feeling completely satisfied. I'm not referring to my wife & my dogs, for instance, but almost everything else.

I've had a problem with thinking that buying something would make me more satisfied, or worked at different places would have been better.

But age helps. Learning from things like "I traveled the world looking for happiness, came home & found it in my back yard" are wise, but take years for many of us to learn. matter what i do i just cant break the habit
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