Tuesday, February 13, 2007


A long-lasting relationship?

What is the most important factor in creating a relationship, for example a marriage, that lasts a long time?

I'd propose respectful and loving dialogue which acknowledges the autonomy and validity of your partner and in turn your partnership. There are, no doubt, many other facets that
must be integrated in a wholistic way to acheive a truly 'successful' long term relationship. I'm sure many will be listed in the selection of comments on this post.
Mutual care and respect via true commitment to one another. Love, whether romantic or not, can be selfish or selfless, and I think the latter is where true commitment will come from.
A long-lasting relationship is like a nicotine addiction. You know it sucks the oxygen out of your cells and is toxic but with out it you would die.
(S)He's not perfect. You're not perfect. Big deal. You stick together while being together beats being alone. To your surprise, and for no apparent reason, you may find yourselves growing old together.
communication, honesty, no omissions or non disclosure, and great sex
I think it comes down to becoming comfortable around one another at all times, and knowing that you couldn't possibly ever be that comfortable around another person ever again.

Another thing - and this is what I always do - is to make sure you say "I love you" every time you part, whether it be face-to-face or on the phone.
a lucky woman and a lucky man
There's two kinds of couple love I find -- the passionate God kind, where your whole personality opens like a freakin' third eye lotus and it doesn't matter if you're both married with children to other people and will lose mass fortunes if you divorce, you just grab each other and run off to a cabin in Mexico and live happy ever after...
or the other kind, the kind you settle for when the first kind fizzles out, or blows up, or someone dies or is drafted or chickens out, because that kind of love will fry your eyebrows off... it's like an STP trip that never stops. You have to be ready to live in that kind of holy fire. If you're not, you go back to the second type and hide there like it's a tree fort and you're 5 years old, you "play house" -- but you will never be TRULY happy that way, because you are staying in the past - real love is scary as fuck... it's St. Francis walking naked into the wilderness away from all the wealth and social positions and brides and wombats. It's Marlene Dietrich kicking off her shoes to go into Sahara with nothing but her evening gown after Gary Cooper's foreign legionaire. Long term relationships? It's about making lemons out of lemon aide
A husband must give himself up for his wife. Not just his life, but himself. That is the truest expression of unconditional love that a mortal man can give. When he has done that, his wife will respond in kind. He will be respected, and she will be secure.
Don't keep secrets. DO NOT keep secrets.

Of course, don't EVER do ANYTHING that you might want to keep secret from your partner. NEVER...EVER.
Don't even THINK about anything that might distract you from the betterment of the relationship.

Completely give yourself over to the relationship. COMPLETELY.
Both partners must understand that there is no other goal that supercedes the importance of maintaining communication and understanding. Don't be whiny and impatient, or ambivalent and aloof.

Luck is just as important as any of the things I mentioned.

How do I know? Because I did EXACTLY the OPPOSITE of what I wrote and voila...! My marriage of 26 years is over.
In an argument setting, I would keep in mind that I'd rather be Married than right.
It's all relative to the people having the relationship. everything is vibrating energy, so it depeneds on how the two energy-bodies interact naturally with each other, but it's also all about the unique individual needs. Some of them want to use you and some of them want to be used. Some of them want to abuse you and some of them want to be abused.
you both have to want it. you have to be my puzzle piece and we must fit together not only mentally but something else...something more obvious.
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