Saturday, July 29, 2006


50 "Greatest" Things You've Never Done

Some people say Anna Karenina is the single greatest novel ever written. Beautiful, vigorous, and eminently readable, this particular Anna Karenina translation is said to be the definitive text for generations to come.

But I've never read Anna Karenina, nor have most of you. Let's make a list of the 50 "greatest" things that we've never done, experienced, read, or seen. I've never gone to Paris nor watched Citizen Kane from start to finish. You've never read the entire Bible nor read the first page of Proust's long novel. You've never tasted pistachio ice cream nor understood the causes of the Punic and Peloponnesian wars.

Ridden a horse, seen the Pacific Ocean, had a week off to not do anything except what I want to do.
I want to be a bone marrow donor. I\
Read Deleuze and Guattari's "Capitalism and Schizophrenia" series, but just yesterday I purchased them from Borders...
I've never seen the Grand Canyon or Niagra Falls, had children, traveled abroad, owned property or served my country.
This will take some time:

1)I have never grown to appreciate cauliflower, much less so with a froth of cheddar on it.

2) I have, several times, attempted to read Joyce's 'Ullyses'. My most succesful effort to do so entailed reading one page each time I defecated. This worked until about half way through the tome when I became deeply constipated. Finally, in a state of surrender I put the tome to one side and rapidly returned to regularity and health.
3) I have yet to walk on water and, on my next attempt, will wear worn-out clothing. My church suit was ruined.

4)For many years when I was younger I wanted to meet Bob Dylan. I never did and now I don't want to so I suppose it's no longer something I didn't do but something I don't want to do and nevertheless or therefore haven't done. Desires are convolutions.

5) As yet no one has answered my questions and I want answers to my questions, (just like I'm answering yours). For instance; Is kharma personal, general or generational? Am I responsible for the transgression of my ancestors? Am I responsible for my own trespass? Am I responsible? Why? Does Society, the Government, the Church, God, the Self assign responsibility or definition of transgression? Who's really responsible? Who says?
I've never been to Chicago. I've never finished a full-sized, hand-made quilt all by myself. I've never driven a semi.
I have been an EMT, I have held a top secret clearance in the Army (Not as big a deal as it sounds), I have loved an unattractive woman... She became buetiful. I have lived in Denver when it was a beutiful city.
I've never.. Ulysses.
..been to Paris (I just live 700km away from it).
..learned French as good and fast as English.
..built a house.
..said a woman that I love her(had no opportunity yet).
..understand why people elect/vote Republicans/Conservatives. a post like this.
I have never:
Seen a ghost or a ufo & i'd love to see both.
Climbed a mountain like Everest(my daughter & I feel these people are severely disabled.)
Fought in a war.
Hob-nobbed with big-wigs(probably bordomsville.)
Hopped a train.
Gotten a degree.
Mowed the lawn with scissors.
Mistreated my two Golden Retrievers-that would be a travesty.
I'm going to stop- the more I write, the more I see I've never done much at all.
fallen in love
read most of "the classics" (exclusions: Jane Eyre, anything by Mark Twain, er, that's it I think)
written a novel
had children
left the country, except to the tourist town of Nogales, Mexico
learned a foreign language well enough that I don't have to stop in the middle of verbs to figure out the correct ending
donated an organ
worked in a soup kitchen
made a program anyone else wanted to use

This is somewhat depressing, so I'll stop now.
Argued before the Supreme Court in the advancement of civil rights
Participated in an archaeological dig
Stood in one of the chambers of Congress and spoke (eloquently) the truth.
Written a book.
6) I may never understand why the idea of monotheism is presented as superior to the idea of animism. Pantheism and its resultant clutter of gods and images eventually tend to infect monotheisms with the desire to represent deity as an image.

7) Even though constantly blessed with an abundance of love and romance I will never love all who I am drawn to love in my dreams. This is both a pity and not a pity because an impossibility should not generate sorrow.

8) In this life I am not, to my knowledge, considered an iconoclast
or even a man of moderate note.

9) In this world I will never be able to stop dreaming.

10) I will never have a dog. I will never name it Rover or Spot or Big Yeller. I will not feed it kibbles or build it a quaint house. I will not throw sticks and call out fetch! Rover Spot Big Yeller, fetch. I will have a cat who like me does not like being told what to do,(and courteously buries while I flush.)
I will never experience the apparent satisfying ecstacy of controlling a dog on a string, of teaching another sentient being to beg. Beg! Rover Spot Big Yeller Beg!
To bob-the-goat-after reading your list of "great things", there must be something seriously wrong with my list.

If, for instance never having a dog,but agreeing to have a cat because it buries it's poop are both great things, I feel I must go outside, scratch a hole in the flower bed, & bury my list.

I'll start all over & meditate for several days on the meaning of the word "great".
O.K. bob-the-goat. You asked for answers. Hope you were serious.

(1) I like the cheddar on broccoli.

(2) This is understandable. Just don't switch to "Fennigan's Wake" thinking you'll do better.

(3) I simply sank to the bottom. I was smart enough to wear swim trunks, however.

(4) I never understood the popularity of Dylan to begin with and after seeing him a year or two ago, understand why.

(5) (A)All three from what I've read. (B)No. (C)Yes. (D)This one I don't know. (E)Because if you are, you should be. If you aren't, well, its probably more fun. (F)The first four always try and the fifth, self, should.(G)You. (H)Aside from me, hopefully you.

(6) I believe in pantheism to the extent "God" is all & at base level "all" is consciousness. Pantheism does not require a clutter of gods & images. Most religions tend to change, add, or "infect", producing different sects or blanket names or events such as "rapture". Any monotheistic religion will present itself as superior. I have never noticed, as example, Buddism or American Indian religions concentrating on showing themselves to the world as "superior".

(7) Cherish that you are blessed with an abundance of love and romance. If you do this, you shoudn't generate the sorrow.

(8) Neither am I. Neither are most. But aren't you of moderate note to those that matter?

(9) Nor, again, will I. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

(10) I'm somewhat bewildered by this one. If you don't want a pet, above all, don't get one. I have two wonderful, happy, female Golden Retrievers. They love to play & want to fetch far more than I want to throw. I built a fence around the front yard so they could be in their favorite place. They have never begged, but have "insisted" quite a few times. They have been taught where it involved their safety. And my wife is in a constant quest to figure out who the master is. We're buddies. "Control" has nothing to do with it.

Someone once told me "a dog untrained is a dog unloved."

There. You have been written about.
You(check #8)are now a "man of moderate note".
i have never-sailed to hawaii-seen a great white shark up close and personal-raft thru the grand canyon-seen a lava flow in person-been a pit boss at high stakes crap table-played semi-pro baseball with my son-dived the great barrier reef- swam with a whale shark-gone marlin fishing in cabo the list goes on and on
I will never see The Great Wall of China.
I will never be an astronaut.
I will never play the piano.
I will never be a German citizen.
I will never grow my hair to my knees.
I will never drive a motorcycle.
had nothing to lose
gone sky diving with a wing suit
been in a band
seen "the godfather"
been in a hard fight and come out on top
been in a riot
wandered the world
had a period in my life where i was never bored
and i mean to do every last one of these things before I die. Do you? Whats holding you back? LIVE YOUR DREAMS there is no reason you cant all obstacles can be over come Its only the barriers of your mind holding you back drop this attitude of resigning yourself to apathetic oppression. LIVE OUR DREAMS
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